You didn’t physically rape but you did rape me mentally

View in front of my flat. The area is surrounded by construction sites, not too slum housing complex and dirty river.

I thought I was having insomnia as I tried to close my eyes many times but couldn’t do it. So I took a sip of strawberry-flavoured black tea at 10:42 PM on Tuesday. The strawberry flavoured pleased my smelling sense and funnily, calmed my anxiety. Where does this anxiety come from anyway? I supposed, it comes from what happened this afternoon.

The sun hadn’t set yet. It was 03:25 PM. I came from Rajawali train station, walking. It took me exactly 60 minutes from my flat to that station and vice versa by walking distance. So, when not having brisk walk, I’d need around 30 minutes or so to reach that train station. As a new comer, I wanted to try my novel surrounding as my walking destination. 

The not too (but almost) slum area with heavily polluted river or kali as how Betawi people call it.

The area of my flat, Kemayoran, mostly surrounded by Rajawali area seems to be surrounded by construction sites in majority. There is smelly-untreated-and-dirty water stream that divides my flat complex with (almost slum) urban housing complex. Next to tower 3, the contractor is now working on tower 4 and 5. From a distance a man’s voice heard, 

    

“Neng kok jalan kaki. Sini abang anterin, pake mobil.” 

Its English translation would be more or less, “Young lady, why walking. Here, let abang* drive you with car.” This invitation encouraged my brain to connect it with raping purpose, where firstly it was a sexual abuse verbally. I felt too scared. The heaviness carrying vagina and virgin’s hymen as a single woman below 30 suddenly became too burdening for me when he repeated the same sentence for the second time. 

It was a verbal abuse, which is very common. However, even though it didn’t touch my skin but it disrupted my mentality.  Any common surrounding has never been friendly at all to women.

I began to think twice walking, not to mention if alone, to the train station and vice versa. I should depend on ‘tukang ojek’ and taxi. Big sigh to my fat for losing a way to burn my calories.

At night

* Abang in Sumatra means older brother. But in Jakarta’s Betawi, it means your lover, your sweet heart, a salutation to address himself as a defender of his girlfriend.

December 17, 2013

RUSUN Bandar Kemayoran